idk

im sorry

the killers

plaid shirts

interpol

watts disko 

red hot chili peppers

batman

cranberry juice

oldspice deoderant

monster massive

smiley faces

psychology

art

piano's

museums

scar tissue

LA

starbucks

my school

the beach

my van

iphone's

black clothing

nocturnal

...things i cant be near, smell, hear, or see without thinking of you...

how time flies

it all just seams short lived,

i think when i look back at this, ill say to myself, 

"what an idiot, what in the world was i thinking" 

but i know right now it matters, 

maybe this is just my first real heartbreak,

and with time ill feel better and not care.

i know it would have been awesome to go to school together. 

i really hope you never read this, 

so you dont see how crazy i am...

all the crazy shit i did last night...those will be the best memories...

BS

I MISS

 (YOU)

     so, idk i guess im just going to use this site as an outlet, and im going to be completely honest with myself and put myself out there. i fucking miss you, i write you letters still, your so cool, i wish i could be like you, i think that's one of the reasons i like you so much, is you remind me of what i wanted to be, and im only a fraction of you, im not as good as you, im not as smart, i feel intimidated when im around you, your presence makes me feel almost like im not worthy to be around you. i miss you, i already said that, i miss you, i already said that again, i miss your friends, i miss your life, i miss the adventure, i miss the new experiences, i know i dragged our breakup out, i know i held onto you when i should have let you go, it was the right thing to do not keep you around like that, you got tired of it, you moved on, your being strong, its you, its your character to do that, this is how it has to be, i cant talk to you, im too emotional, im an emotional person, with bad grammar, and i miss ur fucking ass, i miss fucking you, i miss the way you used to ride it, i miss how you loved my cock, i miss how you always wanted to fuck me, you were so cute, i miss the day we met, the sex on the beach, the rolling in the sand, the sex in the car, on the freeway, in my house, i miss the day you got us the separate hotel room from ur friends, and we had sex all day, soo many times, in the shower, on the bed, on the floor, on the table, i miss the chemistry, the intimacy, we clicked, like Ive never clicked with anyone, i miss driving in the car with you, id tap my fingers on ur hands to the music, and you'd tap your fingers on mine, i miss the smell of you when id lay my head on ur chest. you've turned me into this guy that im not. Ive never written anything like this online for anyone, ive always had guys write for me, guys write about how they miss me, and now im one of "those guys" those guys who have trouble accepting what they've done, accepting that these are only the consequences of my own actions. i hope that by writing about it, i can let it go, so far it hasn't helped, i just hope your happy, hope your not stuck like i am, i hope you never read this, i hope you read this a thousand times, i hope you know i cared, i hope you know im sorry, that's one thing about me i know for sure, i care about people that Ive let into my heart, and once Ive let them in i keep a spot for them forever, even if it seems immature or dum or nieve, you meant something to me, you were a big deal. i could have really, really loved you...

...my last regret, was not making love with you one last time, when we were in the car the last time i saw you, and we both wanted each other so badly, ive never wanted anyone so much before, and i felt if we didnt do it, it would mean we could see each other again, turns out it was the last time i saw you...thank you, thank you for caring, thank you for being you. im sorry i said no.

-dedicated to mr.brightside

BS

i remember the times at my house, when we would fuck in my room, when we would lay on my bed, when we would go in the backyard and shuffle...i remember the times at your house, when we went for ice cream, when i helped you trim the bushes lol...god im pathetic, i have never, ever, felt this way, and im now fucking talking to myself in a blog...i wonder if your happy? i want nothing more than to call you right now, to text you, i cant i have to stop, i know what it feels like to have people not be able to let you go, and i dont want to be one of those people, i am pathetic...just because i can not call you doesn't make me any less pathetic then the people who do, i still feel the same way they do...